Caregiving

Long Distance Caregiving
Finding A Respite Caregiver
Choosing A Caregiver

Long Distance Caregiving

Being in charge of the household is not limited to what goes on under your own roof. Not only do you take care of the day-to-day workings in your life, you also have military family responsibilities and maybe the responsibility of caring for elderly family members far away. Taking care of elderly family members from a distance can be as rewarding as it is challenging.

Elderly family members often feel like a burden to their families but may be unable to care for themselves. The loss of independence and freedom can take an emotional and physical toll on them. You may not be able to control the physical aspects of aging, but you can help with the emotional ones. Even from a distance.

Caring from a Distance

Here are some things you can do to let your loved ones know you’re thinking of them:

  • Weekly or bi-weekly phone calls.
  • Pick up the phone and take the time to find out what is going on in a parent or grandparent’s life. You may not have anything to say, but just hearing your voice brings them joy. Make sure your children say hello, too.
  • Drop a card or letter in the mail at least once a month to send pictures of the kids, you and your spouse on a weekend trip, or drawings your children made. Even pictures of the family pets put a smile on an elderly family member’s face.
  • Send care packages like they once did for you. Bake cookies with the children or your spouse and send some samples along with pictures of everyone baking in the kitchen.
  • Never forget that special occasion. You may feel Grandparents’ Day is a holiday generated by the greeting card industry, but it makes that special someone feel important. The power of a $2 greeting card and a stamp is amazing.
  • Send flowers or other assorted gifts once in a while as your budget allows.
  • If your elderly family member has access to e-mail, take advantage of it. Send virtual greetings or virtual flowers or just a little note to say hello as often as you can. Invest in a good quality digital camera to send home impromptu photos of your family.
  • Buy postcards of the area where you are posted, and send them with quick notes attached. It is a wonderful way to say hello and also to give family members a view of where you live. They may never have the opportunity to visit you, so give them the gift of the location visiting them.

Creating a Network of Support

Now that you have taken care of the special occasions, you need to think about the daily care for your elderly family member. Since you can’t be there, form a network of trusted family members and professionals to assist you. You don’t have to do everything yourself.

  • If you have siblings or other relatives who live close by a loved one, have them take turns dropping in to say hello.
  • If there is a neighborhood teen that your family trusts, have them do yard work for your elderly family member and get their groceries. The small fee you might pay to them is insignificant in the satisfaction you will have knowing your loved one is being taken care of.
  • There are also special programs such as Meals on Wheels that you can arrange from a distance to have delivered to a parent’s home.
  • Check with the local community’s seniors or community care center to learn what special programs they may offer.

The guidance of a professional may also be helpful in assisting you with caring for your family member from a distance. A social worker or visiting nurse may be the answer. Speak first with your family member’s care team. If at home care is prescribed by their physician, it can often be provided by the local health authority or ministry of health. You can also contact a private home care service in your family member’s area to find a qualified professional. The primary responsibility of these professionals is to ensure the well-being of those they service. They can be an indispensable asset of the quality care you seek to provide your elderly family member. Also check with your family member’s insurance provider. Many will pay for all or part of the costs associated with professional care.

Involving Your Loved One

Treat your elderly family member with the respect and dignity they have earned. Involve them in their own care and make sure you are fulfilling their needs and not just your own. Remember that elderly loved ones can provide valuable lessons to young family members and stories of the past.
Adapted from a resource by MilitaryHOMEFRONT.

Finding A Respite Caregiver

Respite is temporary relief for caregivers and families who are caring for those with disabilities, chronic or terminal illnesses, or the elderly. Respite is a vital part of the continuum of services for your family. It reduces family stress and helps preserve the family unit and supports its stability.

The military lifestyle can add extra challenges through relocations or deployments. Unfortunately the service providers do not always understand these needs.  If you have just relocated, you may not be eligible for services in your new community yet.  If your spouse is deploying, talk to your existing care team about whether you would qualify for more services for the short period you will be single parenting.

If formal respite services are not available, look to your own resources and contacts.  You may have to find your own caregiver but you are not alone.  Speak with your care team.  Approach your local MFRC. Talk to other parents.  All ideas are welcome.

Finding a Caregiver

Finding a caregiver can be a difficult task under the best of circumstances. In a respite care situation, it is especially important that the right caregiver be found. The following page outlines a range of caregiver options. It starts with family and friends. Situations where trust has already been established are ideal.

The decision to seek respite care and the source of that care is based on two questions.

  1. What support do you need right now?
  2. What systems and supports do you already have in place?

Most of the options listed below can be applicable for both children and adults with special or support care needs.

Exploring Respite Care Options

Do you have a friend or family member you could call to give you a break?

  • Is there a trusted individual/family member that is able to assist you. This is a quick and easy option for care

Do you have a caregiver that already works with your family member?
Consider teacher’s aides and assistants as well.

  • Approach that organization to explore increased levels of care
  • Is there a option to make a private arrangement with this caregiver for additional hours?

Are there community supports that your family is eligible for?

  • Is there an existing respite, day program or other inclusive program that you can access?
  • If so, get on roster/waiting list.

Are there community programs that your family member could participate in with an aide?

  • Call local recreation centres
  • Call local recreation integration agency.
  • Call the MFRC Navigator

Is this a child whose needs mild enough that a traditional babysitter or nanny arrangement could work?

  • Your MFRC may have a list of babysitters and/or a nanny agency that you could start with. Ask friends and other parents who they use.

Are your family member’s needs more intense?

  • Is a private arrangement with a formal respite caregiver a more appropriate option?

You are the best judge of what care situation will be right for your family.  Accept suggestions from others but evaluate them for yourself.  Several resources are available to you to help you choose a caregiver.  The two below both relate to children.  Speak to your local Caregivers Network or long term care support centre about choosing a caregiver for adults.

“Choosing a caregiver for a child with special needs” from Community Respite Care Committee, Victoria, British Columbia.

“Parents’ guide to selecting childcare” from Ministry of Children and Family Development, British Columbia.

Choosing A Caregiver

Finding quality childcare is important for every family. Whether you are looking for full time care while both parents work, or the occasional evening off, it is important to find someone you trust.

If your child has special needs, there may be additional skills and experience that you want your caregiver to have.

Attached you will find a guide for choosing a respite caregiver for children with special needs. The process of listing your needs, the job requirements and screening will be the same if you are looking for full time day care, or occasional respite care.

The Community Respite Care Committee in Victoria, British Columbia, developed this resource for their families and has agreed to share it with military families across the country. There are specific local agencies mentioned. If you would like to find a similar agency in your community, talk to your local MFRC, library or community services association.

Choosing a Caregiver

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